Let's take a song by song analysis*:
*some sarcasm to follow, but only from love.
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"Let It Snow"
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The Running Backs and Wide Receivers start things off with some volume. Rashard Mendenhall takes the opportunity to show of his slow motion spin move (Chappelle style, of course). Hines Ward is all "I got this boys" and Antwaan Randle El is rockin' out.
Not to be outdone, the Defensive Backs, decked out in their very very yellow practice jerseys introduce the musical Key of Q flat minor to the world! Also, did you know that POPPING and LOW are lyrics of this song? You do now, because #28 Crezdon Butler added some lovely interpretive accents to those words.
Enter the Defensive Linemen. Their commitment to the right-to-left sway is impressive, but not as impressive as their enthusiasm. It only gets better, folks, stay tuned.
After an uncertain beginning, the Kicking Specialists must have heard that they were following the DL's act, and Greg Warren, longsnapper, gathers Daniel and Sean for a touching group hug. Aw, they're so cute. And also very relieved when the familiar "let it snows" come back in. PHEW.
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"Here Comes Santa Claus"
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The O-line and QBs must have somewhere to be, because this is the fastest version of this song ever by a group of extremely large men. My personal favorite part is that no one seems to know the words "cause Santa Claus comes tonight." Or maybe they're just running out of air, because the amount of oxygen sucked out of the room before the 2nd verse could create a vaccuum worthy of outer space. If you listen closely, there is a guy somewhere in there who is SINGING ON KEY! wait, what? I need to find out who this is. They are all very proud of themselves after it is over, and have a TD celebration.
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"Santa Claus is Coming To Town"
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The Linebackers sing this one. By "sing," I mean, "deliver a threat via Christmas Carol." After James Harrison is done with his intro, you're thinking..."I'm watching out! Not crying...nope not at all! I swear!!" And then you wonder how opposing teams must feel when he's not even bothering to sing Christmas Carols at them, and just runs them over. Thank God Lawrence Timmons laughs now and again to relieve the tension.
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"Silver Bells"
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In an examination of contrasts, the kickers start us out right where they left off - laughing their way awkwardly through a song that (in their defense) no one really knows. We all just hear it on the radio every year about this time, but unless you were in choir, you never sang it. Bonus points to Sepulveda for use of Jazz Hands at the end. Too bad you're followed by...
The Defensive Line!!!!!! They not only employ the aforementioned Jazz Hands, but they go right back to their tried-and-true swaying technique. Raising the stakes a bit is Nick Eason. Candy Cane prop? Check! Use it as a fake cigar? Check. Just when you think it can't possibly get any better, they break out the ECHO! It matters not that they forgot echoes are supposed to be the same words as the ones before them, but it was a bold choice, and bold choices are rewarded with applause. Seriously, I clapped out loud for them. Nice touch with the harmony at the end, Chris Hoke.
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"Deck the Halls"
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The DBs start this one off, and if you turn the sound off, you could swear the William Gay is singing some serious opera. His emoting is wondrous to behold. Ike Taylor does not let a little thing like singing get in the way of his smile. No, really. He doesn't sing a note, just grins at the camera. Awww, Ike, you know we all love you!
Something goes wrong with the video, and you're taken to a Christmas Funeral. Wait, no...that's just the Tight Ends. I'm concerned about you boys - who stole your Christmas? Because I love you all, and I'll get it back for you. A few smiles and laughs escape, but Coach in the middle is allllll business. "C'mon guys, I want this falalalala done on the first take, no shenanigans or holiday cheer."
Bring it home Defensive Line!!! At this point, there is nothing more to add about this group. They're pulling out all the stops, bringing the Christmas Cheer, raising the Spirit Meter at the North Pole about 20,000 notches.
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"We Wish You A Merry Christmas"
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The Tight Ends are back to wish us all a Merry Christmas. Well, thanks, and you guys too. Hope Santa brings you some caffeine in your stockings this year.
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"Holly Jolly Christmas"
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Welcome back, Wideouts! They don't know if there'll be snow...or the lyrics to that section for that matter, but they give it their all. So very joyous! How to top this?
Oh, wait, here comes the DEFENSIVE LINE! Back again, boys? Show us how it's done...and they do. Chris Hoke is the most underrated bass singer in the Steeler's organization, and even gets a nice little kiss for his hard work. At this point, the Earth might have been knocked off it's axis by a degree or two from the aftereffects of the ever-more-enthustiastic sway. Totally worth it.
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After some genuine well-wishes from some of our beloved Steelers, we are treated to a few outtakes. They are all great, and make us love our boys even more, but by far the best is when Ben tells all the O-line and QBs to be louder. LOUDER LOUDER GUYS!!! ON THREE!!! ONE TWO THREE! And then no one sings except for Maurice Pouncey. Priceless.
Finally, some awards:
The Tony goes to: Chris Hoke. Obvious choice.
Best Supporting: The D-line. Because Chris couldn't have done it without them.
Most intriguing conducting technique: William Gay - very heartfelt, very, um, rhythmically creative.
Most commanding entrance: Antwaan Randle El. He was ready and resonant at the very first note.
Best dance break: Rashard Mendenhall. (Also see, Most Appropriately Timed Cameo)
Most adorable confusion: Ike Taylor
Biggest self-congratulatory pat on the back: Oline and QBs...Here Comes Santa Claus...you get 'em boys
Award because I'm afraid not to give them one: Linebackers. You guys rock my world, and I love you. Please tell Santa not to bring me coal?
Best idea: whoever came up with filming this. Really, it's only going to endear the Steelers to all of us Pittsburgh fans all over the country even more. It's great to see them having fun with each other, donning some fun winter-wear, and taking the time to put smiles on their fans' faces. Now beat those Panthers!!!
